Jargon

Conference

A gathering of very expensive people.

Similar to a meeting.

But goes on for longer.

Has food, wine and expenses thrown in.

Also known as a "Jolly".

Consultant

A very expensive person who:

Asks us lots of questions.

Writes a report that tells us what we told him.

Makes recommendations which we have made before

but is never ignored, because he charges so much.

Takes all our ideas to his next client

(our competitor).

IT

Ivory Tower (where all the computer people hide out).

Meeting

A gathering of expensive people who:

Turn up late.

Ignore the agenda (assuming that there ever was one).

Lose the point.

Argue the toss.

Fail to come to any conclusion or agreement.

Overrun, so that they can be late for the next meeting.

Mission critical

We are stuffed if this fails!

Mission statement

An inflated and generalised description of what we do

- Nobody can remember it.

Recharging

A way of claiming to save money but:

Is really a way of shifting blame for spending it.

and costs more because you need lots of people to administer it.

Software upgrade

A device for selling more powerful hardware.

(See Windows XP)